The Elephant

O lugar onde são arquivados os textos mais antigos de membros ainda sem espaço próprio.
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Location: Lisboa

The Elephant

Postby chinaski » 04 Sep 2008 11:26

I was sitting on a rock
And had an elephant in my hand
We walked and talked,
We laughed and smiled,
And in strange silence
We watched the sea against the rock
And lazy ships over the horizon.

I wanted to hug and kiss the elephant
But she was going away and I to stay.

So I let the elephant go
Feeling that it was her
who had me in her trunk that day
Like a puppet in a strange play.

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Posts: 858
Joined: 05 Jan 2006 23:59

Re: The Elephant

Postby Aignes » 23 Sep 2008 13:44

Gostei da alguma forma ver o horizonte com um elefante que afinal é uma 'ela' soa-me bem. Mas acho que a escrita parece mais prosa que poesia. Se calhar ficava engraçado passado a texto corrido e com mais coisas.

Só um apontamento:

But she was going away and I to stay

Não falta aqui um verbo ou isso?
«The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees
Is my destroyer.
And I am dumb to tell the crooked rose
My youth is bent by the same wintry fever.»

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Posts: 2705
Joined: 14 Sep 2007 12:30
Location: Braga

Re: The Elephant

Postby azert » 23 Sep 2008 15:44

Nice. :smile:
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